Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
