When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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