Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
