I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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