Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
