oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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