i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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