I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
