You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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