when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
