you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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