Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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