so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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