then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
