A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
