I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
