If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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