i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
