i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
