Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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