I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
