Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
