I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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