Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
