I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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