the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
