Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
