Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
