All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
