First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
