How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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