my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
