I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Randomize
