You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
