playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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