She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
