Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
