Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
