At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
