Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
