did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
