peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Randomize
