Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
