I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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