You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
