it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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