Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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