the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
