Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
