If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
