I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
