So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
did i walk over a car last night?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
