You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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