Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
it's not cheating when I paid for it
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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