His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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