Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
